The Woods Are Real (2024)

• Year: 2024
• Released: 12 Mar 2024
• Country: United States
• Adwords: N/A
• IMDb: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt23035650/
• Rotten Tomatoes: https://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/the_woods_are_real
• Metacritics:
• Available in: 720p, 1080p,
• Language: English
• MPA Rating: N/A
• Genre: Fantasy, Horror
• Runtime: 80 min
• Writer: Matt Dellapina, Sean Christopher Lewis
• Director: Alix Lambert
• Cast: Matt Dellapina, Chinasa Ogbuagu, Campbell Scott
• Keywords: cult, folk, lost in the woods,

	69% – Critics
	69% – Audience

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The Woods Are Real Movie Reviews

I fell for it again because it was sold to me under false pretence

Lat time I watched a christian film tricking you to watch it under the guise of horror/thriller, I sat through was just as empty and boring as this one. Fortunately I was doing some painting whilst this was on in the background.

At no point at all was it interesting, captivating or clever. Somehow I waited if there would be a twist. Nope. Just christians trying to reel you in under false pretences.

The camera work was quite good actually, the acting was dismal, even though the actors didn’t have much to work with, so they did their best.

Why not make an overtly christian movie, with colour, love, proper story lines, teaching whilst being entertaining?

I watched some overtly christian films as a kid, like Jesus of Nazareth and found them highly interesting. Not enough to make me believe but I didn’t get bored and it was entertaining historically. Plus I knew what it was about. No tricks needed.

Happy to say that I am still a non believer and even more so after this really bad excuse of veiled preaching. I don’t like being duped.

Please just own up to it, put into the title or the description, that this is a christian film. I wonder why the makers of this movie haven’t learned from their own film’s meaning?

That’s a bit dull

Having seen that the director doesn’t do bad films, I kept sitting through it hoping to be enthralled & entertained, but it never came.

I got to the halfway point before giving up.

The story upto where I aborted was, couple host party, guest wears cake, invites them to the woods, they goto the woods, get lost, bloke in a mask steapsbthe wife, bloke gets lost again, finda a friend, finds some birds who can sing, has something to eat with them, “Oh Good God, this is boring, abort abort”.

So at that point I gave up & read a book about a bird who lived in her own in the Dales. It was riveting. Unlike this.

If I can watch an entire film, but don’t enjoy it, I give it a 5 because I watched it all.

This film, though of a high production quality, I’d possibly have given lower than a 4, but because of the coin spent on it, it gets a solid Four.

Ugh…

I came into the movie thinking, ok, an independent, possibly supernatural thriller/horror featuring rich people getting messed with in the woods. Something I can wrapy head around. What I got was some kind of thinly veiled christian propaganda that would have been halfway decent to watch had it not been for the awful soundtrack, poor writing, and mid-level acting.

Generally speaking, ending a story like this usually includes maybe a lesson learned by those involved. Instead, the people who made the movie gave us one protagonist who murders his best friend, another who just totally finds it cool to sacrifice the fetus they’re carrying for a religion they initially didn’t believe in, and “god” rewarding them for attempting the sacrifice by, you guessed it, the Abraham special (ie, basically just saying “jk, don’t do that” right before the guys swings a log at his wife’s uterus). *Fade to black

But that wasn’t enough. Instead, they finish with the protagonists back home in Brooklyn with the 8 year old the woman was apparently carrying the whole movie in her womb. It’s his birthday, and as a special treat, daddy reads from the book of Job.

To be fair, the acting was pretty good aside from the “farm ladies” and the best friend at the beginning. But the writing painted the actors into some very tight, sometimes just awful corners. Not to mention making the entire point of the movie being redemption after sacrificing something you love, then just letting the two main characters off without sacrificing anything.

The woods ARE real, and this film should be buried in the most remote part…